From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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