Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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