It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
