TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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