Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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