4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
