He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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