i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
