i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
