The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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