If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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