We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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