he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
