Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize