Can Purell be used as lube?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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