Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
