I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
