I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize