I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
