Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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