I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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