So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
