And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
