The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
