I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
