i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
