??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize