new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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