And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
