summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize