I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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