Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
