I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
