I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize