At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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