he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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