This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
