I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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