roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize