We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
