I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
