yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
