I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
