I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
