I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
