We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize