Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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