Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
