I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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