if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize