Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
