i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
