He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
