someone get that fucking seahorse.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
