im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
