i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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