Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
