I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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