We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
