smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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