I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
