New invention idea: vibrating tampons
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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