it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if only i could text you this smell
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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