farters have to be the big spoon...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
