My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
