Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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