I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
