please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just tell him i said nine months
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
