we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
