No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
