Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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