Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
