My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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