i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
