I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
