Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
