God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
