So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
