I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
