Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
