Even the bartender felt bad for me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
