i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
