i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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