yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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