dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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