woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
