I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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