Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
