So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I fill condoms, not promises.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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