Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
