hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
