even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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