It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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